Kate Taylor's Yoga Site - Latest Blog Entries

The Power of Acknowledgement

Tue, 14 Jun 2011 06:08:00 -0500

One of the team building principles Baron Baptiste teaches his assistants is the power of acknowledgement and completion. The idea is to acknowledge people on a regular basis and leave them feeling whole.

I have been thinking about this idea a lot this week and even wrote a note to my fellow assistants at Level 2 in Mexico, acknowledging them for everything I learned from them. In the note I mentioned that my mother-in-law Linda had told me that acknowledgement is the greatest gift she had received when she learned she was dying of cancer. Once she knew her time on earth was finite, she began the process of letting everyone in her life what they had meant to her. The nice thing was that everyone did the same for her. Letters and phone calls poured in. At the very end, when it became difficult for her to write, she would dictate letters to me and ask that I mail them on her behalf. This gave her the completion she needed to let go and let the dying process move forward.

A few weeks ago, my friend Kelly’s mother got the same news: untreatable stage 4 cancer. I booked a flight to go out and see them and support Kelly and her Mom during this difficult time. Since then, I have been composing the letter I planned to write to Kelly’s Mom - in my head. I was remembering all of the million things I love about Kelly and wanted to let Kay know. I wanted her to know that she had raised one of the smartest, most giving people I have ever met. I wanted her to know that her role as a mother had given me the gift of the best friend a person could have. I intended to tell her stories about everything I had learned about life and love from her daughter.

Since Kay had been diagnosed in mid-May just like Linda, I thought I knew how things would progress. I would have plenty of time to write my letter and deliver it in person on June 24th. I was wrong. Kay died this past Saturday, just a month after she was given the news. Kelly tells me that she had seen all of her family and that her son had arrived from Sacramento a few hours before she died. It was peaceful. “It was perfect,” is what she said.

For the past few days I have been in and out of tears, not sure where this pain is coming from. I didn’t even cry this much in the days right after Linda died. I am sure there are myriad reasons for the pain, and one of them is that I did not get the chance to acknowledge Kay and get completion with her. I waited to tell her in person and I missed my chance.

I can remember teaching a yoga class while I was caring for Linda and sharing her wisdom with them. I can remember exhorting them to reach out and acknowledge the people in their lives. I am sorry that didn’t listen to my own teaching and am left feeling incomplete. I am also sorry that at this time when Kelly needs me most, I am stuck in my own experience and feel less able to support her. I am learning first hand that acknowledging people and getting completion frees us up to serve others. So don’t just do it for yourself and the person you are acknowledging, do it as a way to serve everyone you touch.

Why I Teach Baptiste Power Vinyasa - Part 3

Thu, 31 Mar 2011 12:46:00 -0500

So what is it about Baptiste Power Vinyasa that has inspired me to finally commit to this style of yoga and even open my own power yoga studio?

I like a strong physical practice. I find that I need to move and sweat in order to get to a quiet meditative state. This practice challenges me physically in the way my Ashtanga practice did. What I found after I began practicing this style, though, was that the sequence is very intelligently crafted and opens the body in a way that is very safe. The lower back pain that used to plague me has essentially gone away since I started practicing BPVY. Bottom line - the practice makes my body feel great.
As a teacher I like the fact that the sequence of poses is very accessible to new students. While there are challenging poses like crow and headstand in the practice, we are not required to teach every pose in the sequence in every class. As a teacher, I can gauge the students’ abilities and choose poses that will empower them. I now teach the BPVY sequence to my “Silver Power” students, who are all over 55 years old, some of them are even in their 80’s!
The fact that the BPVY sequence is structured into 11 parts, each with its own set of poses, provides an amazing framework from which to teach. While I can pick and choose what to teach based on what’s happening in the room, I don’t have to develop my own sequence every time I come to teach. When I first started teaching vinyasa classes I spent a lot of time planning my classes and trying to follow my plan instead of showing up and seeing my students and teaching based on what they needed.Instead of planning the poses, I can watch for what’s happening with my students and speak to their experience.
The same goes for music. I used to spend a lot of time putting together play lists trying to make sure the music would manage the energy in the room appropriately. Now I get to manage the energy using my own energy instead of using someone else’s voice.
Because this practice has a strong spiritual foundation, but I can be as subtle about it as I like when I am teaching. Some days I am inspired spiritually and this will show up in my teaching. On the days when I am in a very physical space, I don’t feel like I to have to lecture my students on their relationship to God. The spirit of the practice flows from my experience and inquiry rather than from reading scriptures in class.
Because there is no dogma in the spiritual aspects of the practice. I respect Baron’s way of teaching a great deal because he draws on many faiths in his teachings and does not preach but at the same time does not shy away from speaking of God.
Because Baron is alive and teaches workshops all over the US and abroad and I can go take classes with him and his master teachers and learn directly from them. When I was constantly seeking my flavor of yoga, I really wanted a practice that had a living teacher with whom I could study. I want to be able to ask questions and tap into my teacher’s experience as I try and find my own way on this journey.
The most important reason I teach this style of yoga is because it makes me happy and it makes my students happy. At the end of my own practice, I am filled with a powerful joy that comes from my very center. After I finish teaching I get to witness this joy in my students. To see a bunch of sweaty, smiling, empowered yogis leaving class brings me more satisfaction than any other job I have ever had.

I am now in the third year of my relationship with Baptiste Power Vinyasa, and I must say it keeps getting better. I still visit with my other practices on occasion, but nothing makes me feel like I do after I teach or practice Baptiste Power Vinyasa. This one’s a keeper.

Why I Teach Baptiste Power Vinyasa - Part 2

Tue, 29 Mar 2011 06:07:00 -0500

While the physical relationship was great, the emotional side of things was challenging. I had this notion that my perfect yoga would be steeped and shrouded in history and therefore legitimate. Learning that Mark had only been practicing for 5 years and was already teaching this style of yoga, not to mention teaching teachers, made me skeptical. What did he know that I didn’t already know? Heh. A lot.

The next three months of teacher training were a journey of self-discovery, and Mark was my unexpected guide. I learned more about myself than anything else, and some of the lessons weren’t pretty. Mark was my mirror, showing me the harsh reality of my teaching. I was robotic, pushy, self-centered, self-absorbed, and hiding behind my technical skills and physical practice. I watched Mark break the other students down into tears and was determined not to let that happen to me. The harder he pushed, the harder I resisted.

It was not until the last weekend of teacher training that something changed. As part of our final evaluation and certification process we were all required to teach one section of the Journey into Power sequence. I was very strong on the technical side, but weak on the inspiration side, so it was perfect when he asked me to teach the hip opening sequence. In hips, we typically hold the poses for 10-20 breaths and after a few technical instructions there is nowhere to hide. You either leave your students in silence or hope to inspire them. As I stood in the front of the room looking at my peers, I was filled with love and for the first time really saw my students and connected to them. The tears started flowing as I began to teach. I don’t recall any of what I said, but it was not technical. It was straight from my heart. I had finally found love in my teaching.

What Mark taught me is that teaching is not about me. It’s about really seeing and connecting to each student and teaching from that connection. It's about Love and Service. To me this is the essence of the Baptiste Power Vinyasa Yoga (BPVY).

Once I completed my training with with Mark and knew this was my path, my husband asked me when I was going to go study at the source...with Baron Baptiste, himself. In my usual fashion I had a long term plan to go study with Baron during the following year. In my husband’s typical fashion, he asked me what I was waiting for. Within a short time, I was signed up for Level 1 with Baron in Tulum, Mexico. Within a year of completing my training with Mark, I had attended 4 one-week long teacher trainings with Baron. Once I knew I had found the practice I had been looking for, there was no stopping me.

So what is it about this practice that has inspired me to finally commit to this style of yoga and even open my own power yoga studio? Stay tuned for the next installment.....

Why I Teach Baptiste Power Vinyasa - Part 1

Sun, 27 Mar 2011 17:34:00 -0500

As part of my Baptiste Power Yoga Teacher Certification, I was asked to submit an essay about why I teach Baptiste Power Vinyasa. It's sort of long, so I'm going to post it in installments. Read on for part 1...

I spent many years dating around in the yoga world. I’d try one style of yoga for a while, then be over it and find something new to satisfy my need for physical and spiritual nourishment. Some of these forays into a certain style of yoga didn’t last past the first date (e.g. Shiva Rea’s Trance Dance) while others went on for years (Ashtanga) and became an important part of my day-to-day life. Even in the long term relationships, though, I always had a sense that the practice was not exactly right for me. While I was deep into the second year of my relationship with Ashtanga, I went on a date with Baptiste Power Vinyasa. I had an ecstatic experience, but I was so involved with my Ashtanga practice, that I wasn’t sure what to do. My heart wanted to dump Ashtanga but my head kept telling me that my Ashtanga practice had supported me for so long, that I should not jump ship.

In the months that followed, I started to dabble in the Baptiste practice a little more. I’d travel to Jacksonville for a workshop at MBody Yoga and even took a weekend workshop with Baron Baptiste. At the same time I would do the Primary Series every morning and even signed up for and attended David Swenson’s Ashtanga Yoga Teacher training. The training was great but I left conflicted. Having studied at the Ashtanga Yoga Research Institute in Mysore a couple of years earlier, I had been steeped in the tradition and taught that the only “legitimate” Astanga teachers were authorized by the Jois family. As a life-long rule-follower I was having a hard time deciding to teach Ashtanga without being “legit.” I also firmly believe that a good yoga teacher practices what they teach. So I was in a pickle. I practiced Ashtanga, but felt like I wasn’t good enough to teach it, even though I had been teaching yoga classes for several years at that point.

Within a month of returning from that training, I signed up for Mark White’s Baptiste inspired teacher training at MBody. I had only taken a handful of Baptiste classes at that point, but felt in my heart like it was the right thing to do.

It would be nice to say that during my first weekend of teacher training I fell out of love and jumped in to Baptiste Power Vinyasa with both feet. The truth is that like with many long term relationships, the breakup was slow and painful. I was so attached to my way of doing things that Mark White had to use a lot of force to get me to let go of my old way of being. The truth was that I still loved Ashtanga but knew that I needed to move on. Like any relationship, the practice had run its course and taught me some incredible values and lessons. In the end, though we weren’t meant to be lifelong partners.

The good news was that Baptiste Power Vinyasa and I had an amazing physical relationship right from the start. Every time I practiced I was amazed at how great my body felt - I was buzzing from head to toe and didn’t have any pain at all! In previous practices, I would typically push myself to the point of at least some ache or pain - but it was the “good kind” of pain, I would tell myself. In this practice, even when I worked heard or Mark kept us in frog pose for 15 minutes, I would wake up the next day feeling great.

I am not a rock

Sat, 19 Feb 2011 05:45:00 -0600

When I woke up this morning I went downstairs and flipped on the radio. The words to Simon and Garfunkel's song "I am a rock" started playing a few minutes into my morning coffee making ritual. In that moment I flashed back to a time in high school when this song was my mantra. I cannot even remember the details of who it was that broke my heart but I can remember feeling hurt and angry. I think I was angriest at the people outside of the relationship who had gossiped about my situation as if it was any of their business.
I can remember deciding that I was not going to let anybody hurt me again, and this song expressed that sentiment perfectly (lyrics here).

I was very successful. I built walls around myself, disconnected from acquaintances and stuck close to a small group of trusted friends. This seemingly worked well. I was able to keep my self safe from feeling pain as long as I kept my circle small and kept a lid on my feelings.

As I moved into the world, this became part of my M.O. I was hardened and impenetrable to casual acquaintances and co-workers. I prided myself on being strong and in control. The side effect was that I was disconnected from almost everyone around me.

It wasn't until recently that I have been able to see how much the walls I built were keeping me from connecting with some really amazing people. Through my yoga studies and my yoga practice I have been able to see that the essence of being human is to connect with others. My practice now is to see each of my peers and students and acquaintances as a potential human connection - to shed the "otherness" I so carefully cultivated and seek the real meaning of Yoga - which is union.

I am not a rock.

Time to Heal - A Letter to My Students

Mon, 16 Aug 2010 09:16:00 -0500

Dear Students

Most of you know that the last two months have been a new journey for me. My mother-in-law, Linda Kells, moved to Savannah in June after getting a diagnosis of stage 4 cancer. With the help of Hospice Savannah and some amazing private nurses, my husband and I were fortunate to be able to care for her in our home during her last 9 weeks.

I was given a front row set at one of the most amazing times in a person's life. Linda had a clear mind up until the last few days and was able to share so many stories and insights with me during the time we spent together. While this experience will forever change me, it was one of the most challenging times in my life. I have never been a care-giver before - we have no children, and as a busy career woman, I trained Brad early on not to rely on my for meals, errands, etc. I have never had to fix 3 meals a day, administer 25+ doses of medication and bathe another human being. Needless to say, it was a shock to the relaxed lifestyle I had carefully crafted since leaving the corporate world.

My own thoughts and actions during this difficult time were interesting and scary to witness. One of the things that I became acutely aware of was how hard it was for me to listen to my own teaching and advice throughout the experience. As a teacher, I encourage my students to take care of themselves first so that they have the space to care for others. And yet, I did not do enough of that for myself. I tried to keep teaching my classes, while my own practice started to wither away. I even started running again in lieu of getting on my mat. A quick 20 minute run seemed to fit better in my schedule than 90 minutes of yoga and meditation each day. Near the end, I was lucky if I rolled out my mat once a week.

Getting back into my practice is my priority as I head into this next phase of healing. My mat and my foam meditation block are the places where I can tune in and listen to what my inner voice is telling me - something which I may have been too afraid to listen to during the last 9 weeks.

I have decided to take the rest of August off from teaching to regenerate my own practice and focus on the healing process. While I am gone, my classes will stay on the schedule and you will be in good hands with the teachers at the co-op. I will miss the shelter of teaching but look forward to coming back to the classroom in September, reconnected with myself and ready to share my passion for this practice with you.

My meditation teacher, Goenka, has this amazing voice and I hear him in my head every time I start to wander off during my meditation "Start again....." Each moment and each day we have a chance to do that, no matter how long we have been away from our practice. In fact, that is the practice.

With love and gratitude (and some newfound empathy for all you Moms and caregivers out there),

Kate

Sub-atomic Me

Thu, 10 Jun 2010 03:03:00 -0500

When I first come to my cushion to meditate my mind is usually busy and all I notice are the coarse sensations in my body. I feel aches and pains in my muscles and joints. I start to think about all of the things I have forgotten to do and want to get up and make a quick to-do list. "Notice the breath, " I tell myself. After about eight breaths, I begin to dream up new projects. "Start again, " I tell myself. I keep going back to feeling my breath, but my mind is not cooperating.

Eventually, if it's a good day, the number of breaths I take increases before my mind wanders off. If I get to a place where my mind starts to focus more fully on the sensations in my body and escape the near constant flow of thoughts, I begin to notice a resonance. I sense an energy in my body that is moving rhythmically. It's as if I can feel the smallest sub-atomic particles that make up my cells vibrating in unison. As I move my attention through my body, noticing the vibration, it gets more or less intense in different spots.

From there, my thoughts don't exactly stop, but they gently bounce back and forth between experiencing the flow of the moment and noticing how cool it is and wanting it to keep going. I can hear my teacher warning me against "playing with sensation", but I find myself experimenting with the vibrations trying to see if I can control the intensity. The more I try, the more I am reminded of the primary teaching of this practice: nothing persists, everything is impermanent. Luckily, the unpleasant sensation in my muscles and joints is just as impermanent as the bliss.

Baptiste Level 2 Teacher Training

Mon, 24 May 2010 07:45:00 -0500

I just got back from Baron Baptiste's Level 2 Teacher Training program in Tulum, Mexico. It was an amazing week of yoga, meditation, inquiry and community.

Each day began with 30 minutes of guided meditation, followed by an in-depth discussion and inquiry into our experience. Baron would start by asking us "what came up" during the meditation and then lead us on a journey of self-discovery and self-awareness as we tried to articulate our insight. Noticing our recurring stories and tendencies to describe the past over and over again, he repeatedly coached us back into the present moment.

At some point during each day we got in a strong 2-3 hour asana practice, but this was not the focus of the training. Everybody at the training was already teaching yoga and had a good handle on the physical practice. That's not to say we weren't challenged, but the week certainly was not about doing lots of yoga asana

For me, Level 2 was about learning how to tap into my own self-cultivation practices, like yoga and meditation, and transform them into practices for serving others. By learning to see myself as I truly am through observation and inquiry, I am more able to step out of the psychological traps that keep me from connecting with others and sharing the human experience.

The practice teaching involves an intense community process that requires the participants to empower and lift each other up AND hold each other accountable when we slip into fear, doubt, or complacency. During the practice teaching, we engage in a process called the Magic Carpet Ride. During this "game" we have an opportunity to see ourselves in each other - through the breakdowns and the victories. While I got some great feedback when I was teaching my Magic Carpet Ride, the feedback the rest of the teachers received during their rides was just as valuable. Being able to see how our defense mechanisms come up and stop us from teaching from a place without pretense, was eye-opening. When each of us was able to step out of our head and teach from "nothing," that is when the real teaching started to happen.

The program is really about learning to empower ourselves and everybody around us so that we can step out of our small self-centered world and see that the secret of happiness comes from serving others without a concern for looking good.

Into the Silence

Sun, 21 Mar 2010 14:41:00 -0500

In a few days I will be heading to Jesup, Georgia for my first 10 day silent meditation retreat. I am excited to explore my meditation practice more deeply but I am also a little nervous. I have never sat for more than an hour of meditation at one time, much less 10+ hours in a single day. The closest thing I have done that seems like as much of a mental and physical challenge is to run a marathon...and that only lasted about 5 hours.

Lots of folks have been asking me what the experience will be like - of course I have no idea, but I have read what the Southeast Vipassana Meditation Center's website has to say and talked to some folks who have done this before. You can read all of the details on their website...or check out a brief summary I copied from their site below.

What is Vipassana?

Vipassana is one of India's most ancient meditation techniques. Long lost to humanity, it was rediscovered by Gotama the Buddha more than 2500 years ago. The word Vipassana means seeing things as they really are. It is the process of self- purification by self-observation. One begins by observing the natural breath to concentrate the mind. With a sharpened awareness one proceeds to observe the changing nature of body and mind and experiences the universal truths of impermanence, suffering and egolessness. This truth-realization by direct experience is the process of purification. The entire path (Dhamma) is a universal remedy for universal problems and has nothing to do with any organized religion or sectarianism. For this reason, it can be freely practiced by everyone, at any time, in any place, without conflict due to race, community or religion, and will prove equally beneficial to one and all.

What's a Typical Day Like?

4:00 am Morning wake-up bell
4:30-6:30 am Meditate in the hall or in your room
6:30-8:00 am Breakfast break
8:00-9:00 am Group meditation in the hall
9:00-11:00 am Meditate in the hall or in your room
11:00-12:00 pm Lunch break
12:00-1:00 pm Rest and interviews with the teacher
1:00-2:30 pm Meditate in the hall or in your room
2:30-3:30 pm Group meditation in the hall
3:30-5:00 pm Meditate in the hall or in your own room
5:00-6:00 pm Tea break
6:00-7:00 pm Group meditation in the hall
7:00-8:15 pm Teacher's Discourse in the hall
8:15-9:00 pm Group meditation in the hall
9:00-9:30 pm Question time in the hall
9:30 pm Retire to your own room--Lights out

Can You Practice Yoga During the Retreat?

Although physical yoga and other exercises are compatible with Vipassana, they should be suspended during the course because proper secluded facilities are not available at the course site. Jogging is also not permitted. Students may exercise during rest periods by walking in the designated areas.

My BADASS Moment

Thu, 25 Feb 2010 06:38:00 -0600

Aloha from Hawaii. I am on the Big Island at yet another Teacher Training boot camp with Baron Baptiste. I came to be a part of his B.A.D.A.S.S. program - which was billed as a course on the mastery of teaching. What could be better than 8 days in Hawaii doing what I love and learning how to be even better at it?

What does it mean to be BADASS yoga teacher? My definition is pretty simple - a BADASS teacher leaves me feeling a palpable sense of joy when the class is over. Even if the class was physically intense, I feel light and energized. I feel inspired. I feel like the whole world is beautiful.

So..what's the secret? The answer is pretty simple - it's about teaching from love and passion and conviction. It's about sharing what I have found in my yoga practice with my students. It's about rising above the mundane and showing up every time ready to share the love.

In more practical terms it's about managing the energy in the room and taking the students on a journey into love. What I dig about the Baptiste system is that we have a sequence that forms a framework from which to teach. There are 11 series of poses in the sequence from which we can draw as we move the students through the practice. Each series affects the nervous system in a different way, moving us from the outer world to our inner world. The sequence dials you into that place where you can get out of your head and into your body. From there, a connection to our greater Self can happen.

The BADASS training consists of teaching to our peers and receiving live feedback about how our teaching is landing. Fellow teachers shout out to us as we teach part of the sequence: "Louder!" "Sounds scripted." "Stop pacing." "This is boring."

Based on this live feedback we are expected to change course and bring the class back to a happy place. The program leaders as well as our peers give us feedback afterward as well, coaching us on what was missing from our teaching. The feedback that hurts the most and goes right to the core of our being is usually the stuff we really need to hear. For me, the feedback that landed (and hurt) the most was that I sounded mean. There was a lot of background noise because there were three groups of us teaching in the same space. In an effort to increase the volume, I basically started yelling at my students. At least that's how it sounded to them. What this really gets at is a hardness in my teaching. I have been coached before that I can come across as a drill sergeant. And I know it's true. I can step back and see myself calling out poses one after the other, without also showing the love. This practice is intense and it does demand a lot of us, but there is a difference between pushing the students and making them feel small and pushing them and making them feel powerful. I guess that is the art of teaching and coaching, and that is one of my challenges.

The other feedback I have received pretty consistently since I started teaching this style of yoga is that my voice needs work. I tend to teach from my throat rather than my belly. When the volume goes up, the net result is a sound that attacks the nervous system and sets people on edge. I have talked about taking voice lessons for a few months and am now committed to finding a voice coach and really working on this.All of the teaching we do to our class of peers culminates in THE BIG MOMENT - when we put on a Madonna-style microphone and teach part of the series to the whole Bootcamp - while Baron coaches us.

Wednesday night I got my chance at being a BADASS. I was assigned the back-bending series. Great, I thought, this is a fun place to really manage the energy and inspire students. To me, back-bending is the culmination of the whole practice. It's the point at which we really have an opportunity to tap into who we are being and see our true colors. The irony is that on many days I dread this part of the practice. On those days I know I am just looking for my practice to make me feel "good" but I am not striving for GREAT. It's like a little mirror, showing me that I am not aspiring to anything bigger than what I have already. Showing me that I am complacent. As a teacher, its my job to pull my students out of that trap and reach for something bigger.

As I waited in the wings, mic'ed up and ready to go, I felt a surprising ease. I have been teaching this sequence for a year now, There was no additional preparation I could have done to get ready. I was, after all, looking for authentic feedback on who I am being right now as a teacher.

As I stepped on to the floor I took a deep breath in and looked at the sea of downward dogs in front of me. If the students were feeling what I was feeling, they were tired and lit up, all at the same time. Four days of asana and self-inquiry had left most of us pretty raw. I took them to high plank and started to hold them there for a count of five and immediately the groans started coming. Low plank for 5,4,3,2,1. High plank for 4,3,2,1. Low plank for 4,3,2,1. My inner drill sergeant was coming out. Argh. Baron started coaching me to speak to their higher selves - or something like that. A lot of what happened during the time I was teaching is a blur.

I remember releasing the students to their bellies and trying to soften the tone by asking the students open their eyes and look at each. Baron wanted none of that - "Don't let them rest - they'll get comfortable here! Take them right into the next pose." I moved the class through 2 Locust poses and then had them press back into Child's pose before setting up Camel. Oops. No forward bends between the back-bends, Baron coached me. He also started coaching me to take up the space with my voice, "Make it bigger, fill the room."

When I took them into their first Camel, I felt like I had finally showed up and was teaching from my center. I was able to set up the pose from the foundation and then speak to why we practice yoga - to open our hearts and FEEL. I think the room started responding by cheering, but I was in the groove and do not remember the details. I do remember that when we got to wheel pose, I was afraid I'd see half the class in bridge, exhausted and opting out. To my surprise, as I looked around there were only a handful of people in bridge. Over 90% of the class took their final Wheel and held it until they were released to their backs. Wow! And then it was over.

As I left the floor, Baron's final words to me were "I see Expanding for you. Expanding it. That's the next step."

The Doorway to Love

Sun, 06 Dec 2009 11:09:00 -0600

There are many minifestations of Love - puppy love, parental love, divine love, etc. All evoke a feeling that everything is right in the world. When we fall in love, everything is beautiful, everything is right in the world. It's like fireworks are bursting forth from our heart.

Over time we discover that Love is more like a pilot light - it's always there, always on - waiting to ignite the inner flame that recognizes beauty in the world.

Yoga...is union..union with everything - it is the ultimate incarnation and realization of love - divine love. And it is in all of us. We use our practice to ignite this love, tapping into our pilot light to stoke the fire of prana and feel the warm glow of love.

I would say my practice reminds me every day of love, of unity, of all that is beautiful in the world. Yoga is my doorway to love.

In the Labyrinth

Mon, 09 Nov 2009 00:51:00 -0600

I walked the labyrinth one morning in Mexico repeating the mantra "there is nothing to do, nothing to be, nothing to fix" as I turned each corner moving toward the center. When I arrived I planted my feet and looked toward the horizon and saw the tiniest glimmer of the sun rising behind the clouds. As I stood there just observing, the orange glimmer grew bigger and bigger and I was hoping to see the full sunrise. Even in that moment I was trying to force things. Even though I could see there will still clouds and it was not ready to emerge completely. So I closed my eyes. I went inside.

I had an image of the two palm tress framing the spot where the sun had been - like they were burned into my eyelids - but there was no light where they had been. As I stood with my eyes closed I went back to my mantra - nothing to do, nothing to be, nothing to fix. I then began to see a small green glimmer in the center of my forehead. The more I tried to make it bigger and stronger, the more it faded. When I was able to just be and not try, it would shine more brightly. hmmm...

I stood in the center for a while, meditating on the light and just being with it, or at least trying to be. I wanted to open my eyes and see the sun in full expression but could see that I was forcing it and that I would open them too soon. So I waited. When I finally felt a stillness I allowed myself to open my eyes. I saw the sun with one small fragment hidden by the clouds. And then the sun rose into full view and I started to cry. I realized that the light is always there and ready to be seen, sometimes it is just clouded over.

As I stood there I began intellectualizing my experience again. What did the green light mean? What did the orange and red mean? Which Chakra is green? It hit me that green is the heart chakra. I started crying again. The truth, I saw, comes from the heart. And I know this - even when it is just a glimmer, even when it is clouded over, that tiny bit of truth is still there.

As I exited the center of the labyrinth I began retracing my footsteps. Even then, I realizd I was forcing things, trying to step in the same footsteps I had left behind. Instead I decided to let my feet land where they would. To see my past footsteps but not need to be walking in them. It was hard, and I had to keep starting over, reminding myself just to be and not to try.

As I neared the exit of the labyrinth, a few people had come to do the walk themselves. I wanted to stay inside my self and avoid contact at first, but instead I looked into their eyes. When I looked into Marlese's eyes she said, "you look Beautiful."

Roll Down the Shades

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 05:58:00 -0600

What I found in my time in Mexico is that Baron Baptiste has synthesized the teachings from the lineage of yoga into a program that speaks to 21st century man (or woman). His teachings will shift your vision. Literally. The way you see things will change. The things you are unwilling or unable to see will come into view.

His truth is the truth of Patanjali and the truth taught by the Buddha. We are all caught in an illusion created by our thoughts. Our interpretation of the world around us is driven by the lower self. When we can see this, and bring an awareness to this, we can begin to see things as they truly are. We can begin to see that all we really know is no-thing. And that's OK. We just need to Be.

Sometimes we need to roll down the shades and stop looking outside and instead look at what's inside.

Is Baron "All That"?

Thu, 29 Oct 2009 03:27:00 -0500

I've been here in Tulum, Mexico studying with Baron Baptiste for about 12 days now and thought I might share some of what I've been doing. Last week I was attending the Level 1 Teacher Training Bootcamp. What?? More teacher training? Yes, I know, I have been to a few others already, but this time I came for different reasons. I came to see if Baron was "all that." I have been practicing his style of yoga for almost a year now, and needed to see if I was ready to get off the fence and dedicate myself to this method.

The answer is yes - Baron is "all that" and I have found my teacher. Last week, I realized that he has all of the qualities I am looking for in a teacher. He speaks from experience and inner knowing. He has a gift for sharing the wisdom of the ancients without getting bogged down in referring to scripture like the sutras. He knows the ancient teachings and lives by them (as well as any human can) and speaks from experience rather than telling us what other people say. This whole week has been an exercise in what Patanjali called Swadhyaya (Self Study), though he has never used those words. Our time on the mat is physically intense, but our time in self-inquiry and dialog is even more intense.

Baron is compassionate even when he is challenging people. And it feels authentic. Really. I have a great deal of respect for him and have decided to keep going on this path. This week I stayed for the GREAT program - which is an assisting program. I am learning some cool stuff and setting myself on the path and opening the possibility to assist Baron at future workshops. I plan to sign up for the Level 2 TT this year in May or August. I am excited about the possibilities for me in this. Studying with Baron, I think I can really break through and become the teacher and student of yoga that I want to be.

Life and Death and Yoga - Part 2

Fri, 18 Sep 2009 04:35:00 -0500

In my last blog post I ended by saying "It may sound morbid, but for me, the practice of yoga is about preparing for death. I practice yoga hoping to find peace of mind when I am faced with the loss of my loved ones as well as my own earthly life."

This week my practice was put to the test.

I have spent the last 9 days staring death in the face, watching as my grandmother made the transition from this life to the beyond. As a hospice volunteer, I have done this on many other occasions, but this time it was personal. It was my grandmother who was picking at the sheets and talking to people that I could not see.

When I arrived, my grandmother was in the hospital, hooked up to machines, and my mother was agitated and scared. Her mother had been a vibrant, independent woman for 88 years and my mother was not prepared for the inevitable. She said to me "I have no frame of reference for this. We have been a healthy family. I don't know what to do." I am writing this post so that maybe one person who reads it will be better prepared and will not suffer some of the mental anguish that my family has gone through. WARNING: If you are not ready to hear about what happens when a person makes a natural transition from life to death, you should stop reading now.

Volunteering at Hospice Savannah, I have learned what the signs of approaching death are and I have learned that while every death is unique, there is a pattern to what happens to a person as they near the end of their life. Understanding the process of dying has made this time for me much easier than it might otherwise have been. Note that what I will describe below is what I have read in many publications about the dying process, it is also based on my personal experience. Not everybody will go through this exact process, but I have seen it over and over again.

As a person nears the end of life, they turn from the external to the internal. They will stop eating and become detached from their surroundings. When this happened, my mother became very upset and sometimes combative, arguing with her about needing to eat, even though she had no appetite. She was also saddened that Grandma seemed to be giving up, and did not have her usual zeal for life. Grandma was not refusing to eat to be combative, her body just had no need or desire for the nutrition. Likewise, her focus was moving inward, rather than looking to the outside world. In Death, as in our Yoga practice, we look inward for peace.

After the initial withdrawal from food and surroundings, my grandmother became very weak and unable to get out of bed. Her movements became agitated and she would pick incessantly at her clothing and sheets. To me it seemed she was knitting, and sometimes as if she was petting her beloved cat, Mattie. I have no idea if she was aware of her hand movements, but I have seen this pattern in many patients at Hospice. She also began reciting names and numbers repeatedly. One day it was the numbers 6-3-2, another afternoon my mother came home asking my grandfather if he knew who Mary was, because she had been repeating her name over and over.

In a way it reminds me of the practice of Japa meditation with a Mala. Japa Meditation is the practice of saying a single sound or phrase over and over. This repetition provides a foundation that helps the mind to gradually disconnect with the external world. The use of a set of prayer beads, or Mala, provides a "physical" anchor as the practitioner proceeds to higher levels of the practice. As you become more and more disconnected from the external world through meditation, the Mala is meant to serve as your physical connection with this world.

I can recall times in my life when I was inadvertently using mantra meditation to calm myself down in dangerous or frightening situations. When I was 16 and fell off a cliff and dislocated my shoulder, I started reciting a nursery rhyme over and over while I waited for help. This is the one of the mind's natural responses in times of stress. The wonderful thing is that if we know this practice we can choose to do Japa Meditation, even if it is just to calm ourselves down during our daily stresses.

After a period of time without food and water, the body becomes very still, but the mind (and spirit) is still active. My grandmother did not move very much in the last few days I was with her, but even when she could not open her eyes, she would acknowledge my presence. I would talk to her about times we had together and she would sometimes verbally agree. They say the sense of hearing is the last to go, and that the person dying can hear and sense what is said in their surroundings up until the very end.

We got a phone call from the nurse at 3:30 am on Thursday, telling us that we needed to come to the nursing facility as soon as we could. When we arrived at her room a little before 4:00 am, she was resting peacefully but her hands had turned blue and her breathing was erratic. They call this Cheyne-Stokes breathing, and it is usually a good sign that the end is very near. When I spoke to her and touched her forehead her eyebrows seemed to move a little and I could tell she knew I was there, even though her eyes were open but she was clearly not seeing me. As we sat with her, the room became peaceful and her breathing slowed. At one point my grandfather touched her shoulder and asked if she was still breathing. She took one more breath and then let go.

We knew this was coming, so there was no surprise, no outburst of tears. We spent a few moments with her and then called the nurse.

The afternoon before she died I did my yoga practice outside on the patio at my parents' house. As I rolled out my mat I had hoped to do a strong 90 minute Baptiste style power yoga practice to work out some of the kinks and sluggishness from sitting in hospital rooms for days. As I rested in child's pose, trying to let go of my thoughts, I felt drawn to a more peaceful, meditative practice. Even though my ego and intellect was telling me I needed to move and breath vigorously, my spirit was feeling peaceful. I made my way through about 20 minutes of long slow postures and then rested into Savasana. Savasana translates to "Corpse pose" in English. As i lay there as a corpse I drifted into one of the most peaceful savasanas I have ever had. When I opened my eyes an unknown amount of time later, the blue sky was sparking as if there were fireflies all around me. At first I thought it was just the initial transition from dark to light, but the tiny lights persisted. It was as if I was seeing the energy in the air above me. I kept closing my eyes thinking that I would lose this view once I reopened them, but it remained. I thought to myself that I was actually witnessing the universal energy that pervades everything. I was seeing the unity in everything I was experiencing Yoga! Hmmmmm....

In conclusion. I think my practice is working. The last 9 days have been quite a journey, but they have not been filled with fear or sadness. At the end of her life, my Grandmother was surrounded by love and full of love. She was ready for whatever comes next and made a peaceful transition when the time came. I feel that peace now as I look out the window and see one her beloved cardinals sitting on the bird feeder.

Life and Death and Yoga

Thu, 21 May 2009 01:57:00 -0500

When my teacher and my teachers' teacher, Sri K Pattabhi Jois, left his earthly body earlier this week I had a hard time describing my feelings. Tradition says sadness and mourning are the course when someone dies, but I did not recognize that feeling when I heard the news. The best word I could use to describe my initial reaction is "peacefulness."

Guruji was 94 at the time of his passing. He was a lifelong practitioner of yoga and scholar of the sacred teachings of yoga. When I was studying at his school in India in 2007, he was no longer teaching on a daily basis, and I am not sure what his asana practice was at that stage of his life. He would, however, spend each afternoon in his office reading, studying, and taking visitors. Even after the age of 90 he was a student, teacher and practitioner of yoga.

We are taught in the yoga sutras that one of the five causes of suffering is "abhinivesa." This word is translated as "fear of death" in some translations, but I have also seen it translated as fear of "the loss of continuity." For me, this is one of the essential lessons of a yoga practice.

We become attached to things the way they are and want them to persist. It may be apparent in something as simple as attachment to where you place your mat during your yoga class - that feeling of being annoyed when someone takes your spot. At the other end of the spectrum we are attached to our life, our friends and our family and do not want to accept the natural progression that we will all die i.e. leave our physical bodies. This is one of the few things (if not the only thing!) that does not change.

Through my practice, I am learning to step back from that which I cannot control and let go and just be with "what is." I imagine Guruji had mastered this idea and was very comfortable with the knowledge that at the age of 94 he was near the end of this life. I also imagine that his family, who are all long time yogis, are also more accomplished at overcoming abhinivesa than most. For this reason, I think Guruji must have been at peace in his last days and last moments.

After a few days of digesting the news, I am left with feelings of gratitude. I feel so fortunate to have been able to learn from this great teacher, and be a small part of the lineage of teachers, bringing the teachings of yoga to my community.

It may sound morbid, but for me, the practice of yoga is about preparing for death. I practice yoga hoping to find peace of mind when I am faced with the loss of my loved ones as well as my own earthly life.

Total Exhaustion

Sun, 25 Jan 2009 00:03:00 -0600

The second weekend of my MBody teacher certification has been quite a challenge - and I'm only halfway through! I showed up early and took the 5:15 class on Friday night, hoping to get a little extra exposure to the Mbody teachers and teaching style. When Mark showed up at 6:30, instead of taking a couple of hours to talk as we had the week before, he launched us into a practice the I am sure was intended to push all of us to our ohysical and mental limits. We held many many poses to the point of physical exhaustion when muscles shake and lactic acid burns so hard you think your skin is going to ignite. I did feel peaceful after the class, having burned through a lot of ego and found a small space of equanimity.

Saturday, we started by taking the morning class at the Neptune Beach studio, which was also kicked my butt. Again, instead of taking some time to talk as a group, we broke into two groups and launched right into practice teaching. We are now teaching the whole awakening and integration series, so this meant another 2 hours of sun salutations. Just when I thought we would get some time to review and sit down Mark had us come together and teach as a group and this time he did the critiquing/coaching. When it was my turn, he spared no time in trying to coach me out of my head and into my heart. Ironically the more he coached the harder it got for me and I sensed the students were visibly uncomfortable on my behalf...which nade it even harder since my ego is apparently stronger than I'd like to think.

The afternoon practice from 4:00 - 5:15 was tough too. I was so out of my zone in the practice that I knew that I would need to modify and simplify the poses so that I could get through without hurting myself. Luckily we had a mellow evening, watching Yoga Unveiled as a group.

70% Human

Sun, 18 Jan 2009 15:47:00 -0600

My first weekend of teacher training at MBody is offically over but my brain is still spinning with information and experiences from the weekend. I feel completely energized and I am looking forward to incorporating what I am learning into my classes.

The program is very different than any other teacher training I have attended in that it is not focused on technical details but rather on how to teach in an authentic way.

Turns out authenticity is something that I am sorely lacking. On Saturday we started practice teaching, during which each student led their fellow students through a specific sequence. Our peers were then required to critique us on a number of points, including how "Real" we were in our teaching. While I got consistently positive feedback on my clarity in verbal cues and the "technical" details of my teaching, most of my peers let me know that I didn't seem real while I was teaching. I was consistently critiqued for being in "yoga teacher mode," verbalizing cues on auto-pilot without any feeling. Hmmmm....

Critcal feedback is something I rarely get from students and peers and even in my other teacher trainings, my mentors have been averse to providing any real criticism. During my final review on my prevoius 200 hr teacher training, the program director simply said I did great and was ready to go out and teach. Not so in this training...it looks like I will get real feedback from the whole group, including the director...which is why I signed up.

By Sunday afternoon we were on our third round of teaching and I had a small success...one of my peers told me that he thought I seemed about 70% human! Woo-hoo! I never thought I'd be happy to be told I seemed only 30% like an automaton, but I was genuinely pleased!

MBody Teacher Certification Program, Day 1

Sat, 17 Jan 2009 00:07:00 -0600

Last night I attended was my first session in the MBody 200 hour teacher certification program. We started out with introductions and discussion and ended with a vigorius practice, during which Mark pushed us to our limits.

The backbends were a challenge for me, as always, but the real butt-kicker was holding frog pose for what seemed like 10 minutes. (note that Frog <Bhekasana> refers to a different pose in different traditions - in Baptiste and Yin yoga you are face down with kneees out to the sides dropping your hips toward the floor). I don't ever practice this pose in my home practice and having only vague memories of doing it and fearing it when we learned it in my initial teacher training program at Asheville Yoga Center. This is a deep hip opener and accesses all kinds of fear in me....which is what this training is all about - facing my fears and pushing past my current limitations. Mark definitely took us there the first night.

Here is a video showing the pose (I think the sound is messed up in the video but you can see the pose if you are curious about what it is):

There are 12 of us in the program, ranging in age from twenty to forty-seven. It should be an interesting journey! More to come.....

New Yoga Co-Op at Ashram Savannah

Tue, 23 Dec 2008 06:45:00 -0600

There is an exciting new yoga venture starting in Savannah. Brent Martin, who has been running Ashram Savannah for about a year, has been talking with a group of teachers about turning the Ashram into a cooperative effort. The goal is to create a space where teachers and students create a community dedicated to the practice of yoga on and off the mat. Brent describes his concept of the co-op well on the Ashram Blog.

From the teachers' perspective, the co-op offers the teachers an opportunity to rent studio space at a reasonable price. As long as the teachers can bring in a minimum number of students, they should be able to cover their rent and take home proceeds from the class. Teaching members also get to attend all of the classes at the Ashram for free, and participate in the operation of the co-op in exchange for a say in the decision-making processes.

Student members will get access to some of the best teachers and yoga events in Savannah at reduced prices. The co-op is also planning to have "Open Studio" times when the doors to the studio are open to paying members to come and do their own practice. The idea is targeted at Ashtangis and others who have a strong personal practice but want to practice with their peers or just want a clean, quiet space (free from kids, cats, dogs, laptops, piles of laundry and all of the other things that might make a good excuse not to practice). This is like a Mysore practice but there is no formal "teacher" - though one of the Ashram teachers will be there to open the door and practice or just hang out.

Starting in January I will be teaching at the yoga co-op at the Ashram on Thursday nights from 5:30 - 6:45 pm.

For more information check out the Ashram website.