One of the team building principles Baron Baptiste teaches his assistants is the power of acknowledgement and completion. The idea is to acknowledge people on a regular basis and leave them feeling whole.

I have been thinking about this idea a lot this week and even wrote a note to my fellow assistants at Level 2 in Mexico, acknowledging them for everything I learned from them. In the note I mentioned that my mother-in-law Linda had told me that acknowledgement is the greatest gift she had received when she learned she was dying of cancer. Once she knew her time on earth was finite, she began the process of letting everyone in her life what they had meant to her. The nice thing was that everyone did the same for her. Letters and phone calls poured in. At the very end, when it became difficult for her to write, she would dictate letters to me and ask that I mail them on her behalf. This gave her the completion she needed to let go and let the dying process move forward.

A few weeks ago, my friend Kelly’s mother got the same news: untreatable stage 4 cancer. I booked a flight to go out and see them and support Kelly and her Mom during this difficult time. Since then, I have been composing the letter I planned to write to Kelly’s Mom - in my head. I was remembering all of the million things I love about Kelly and wanted to let Kay know. I wanted her to know that she had raised  one of the smartest, most giving people I have ever met. I wanted her to know that her role as a mother had given me the gift of the best friend a person could have. I intended to tell her stories about everything I had learned about life and love from her daughter.

Since Kay had been diagnosed in mid-May just like Linda, I thought I knew how things would progress. I would have plenty of time to write my letter and deliver it in person on June 24th. I was wrong. Kay died this past Saturday, just a month after she was given the news. Kelly tells me that she had seen all of her family and that her son had arrived from Sacramento a few hours before she died. It was peaceful. “It was perfect,” is what she said.

For the past few days I have been in and out of tears, not sure where this pain is coming from.  I didn’t even cry this much in the days right after Linda died. I am sure there are myriad reasons for the pain, and one of them is that I did not get the chance to acknowledge Kay and get completion with her. I waited to tell her in person and I missed my chance.

I can remember teaching a yoga class while I was caring for Linda and sharing her wisdom with them. I can remember exhorting them to reach out and acknowledge the people in their lives.  I am sorry that didn’t listen to my own teaching and am left feeling incomplete. I am also sorry that at this time when Kelly needs me most, I am stuck in my own experience and feel less able to support her.  I am learning first hand that acknowledging people and getting completion frees us up to serve others. So don’t just do it for yourself and the person you are acknowledging, do it as a way to serve everyone you touch.