When I woke up this morning I went downstairs and flipped on the radio. The words to Simon and Garfunkel's song "I am a rock" started playing a few minutes into my morning coffee making ritual. In that moment I flashed back to a time in high school when this song was my mantra. I cannot even remember the details of who it was that broke my heart but I can remember feeling hurt and angry. I think I was angriest at the people outside of the relationship who had gossiped about my situation as if it was any of their business.
I can remember deciding that I was not going to let anybody hurt me again, and this song expressed that sentiment perfectly (lyrics here).

I was very successful. I built walls around myself, disconnected from acquaintances and stuck close to a small group of trusted friends. This seemingly worked well. I was able to keep my self safe from feeling pain as long as I kept my circle small and kept a lid on my feelings.

As I moved into the world, this became part of my M.O. I was hardened and impenetrable to casual acquaintances and co-workers. I prided myself on being strong and in control. The side effect was that I was disconnected from almost everyone around me.

It wasn't until recently that I have been able to see how much the walls I built were keeping me from connecting with some really amazing people. Through my yoga studies and my yoga practice I have been able to see that the essence of being human is to connect with others. My practice now is to see each of my peers and students and acquaintances as a potential human connection - to shed the "otherness" I so carefully cultivated and seek the real meaning of Yoga - which is union.

I am not a rock.